Co-habitating with The Ex

April asked "What was it like living together?"

Making the decision to live together was a pretty big deal for both of us. I am fairly certain that The Ex was ready to move in together before I had really warmed up to the idea. He wasn't very happy in his current living situation and I think that had a lot of weight on his decision that he was ready to take that next step. In fact, not long after we got engaged, we started looking for houses together, even going so far as to put a bid on one. Except I completely panicked. I wasn't ready at all. I felt really pressured to make this huge leap, and to act like it was what I wanted as well. And I DID want it, just not RIGHT then.

We waited a while longer, knowing that it wasn't something we should do if only one of us were truly okay with it. Actually, during that time, The Ex ended up breaking the engagement (but that's another entry altogether.)

When we both finally decided that we were ready, we moved in together. At first, it almost felt like we were a couple of little kids, playing house. Living together definitely had it's ups and downs. We tried to arrange some sort of "chores list" and divide it evenly, but we didn't always end up sticking to that. I quickly learned that this person I was living with was completely anal about things. The hardest thing about that was feeling like I would never measure up to his standards. For example, we did all the grocery shopping together. When we got home, I was quickly ushered from the kitchen so he could put all the groceries away. When I came back, HOLY ORGANIZED GROCERIES, Batman!! It was like we had a little section of Kroger right there in our kitchen. I admit, it made things easy to find, but I had to wonder a little about a guy who would take so much time making sure that the canned goods were organized by height and alphabetized (slight exaggeration here hehehehe).

It was pretty easy for us to agree on decor. We both liked neutral things, so that helped. Of course, I had to add those extra little touches that really make a house feel like home. I arranged candles and whatnot on the tables in a way that I thought looked pulled together, but creative at the same time. On weekends when we'd do chores, The Ex would be dusting and I'd come back to find all the candles lined up and pushed to the back edge of the tables. BORING. I wouldn't say anything, happy to have his help with chores, but I'd always end up moving them back only to have him move them again the next weekend. These kinds of silent battles went on constantly. But I suppose those are just the little quirks about somebody that you learn to live with...or not.

We didn't fight often about things like cleaning, but one of the BIGGEST fights we had was about laundry. It was horrible. If you've ever had anyone make you feel like complete crap over something so stupid and petty, you know what I mean. The Ex had this way of making me feel like I couldn't do anything right. Let me start by saying that I know how to do laundry. I lived away at college and I did my own laundry all the time. In fact, a CHIMP can do laundry. It isn't exactly brain surgery. The Laundry Fight of 2007 started because of a defective Downy Ball. For 3 loads in a row, that damn contraption refused to disperse it's fabric softener insides onto our clothes. At that point, I was so frustrated...I didn't want CRISPY clothes, I wanted SOFT ones. The Ex happened to be standing by me when I was pulling the Kentucky Fried clothes from the washing machine and I mentioned to him that the Ball of Doom wasn't working. Immediately he laid into me, saying it didn't work because I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO LAUNDRY! What the hell?? Had I not been doing his laundry for the past 5 months?! Who did he think did it?? The laundry fairy?

This was basically the most retarded fight I had ever been involved in to this day. It definitely made me realize that choosing to live with your significant other isn't something that should be taken lightly. This is where the virtue Patience really comes into play. Did you ever notice how in that verse from the Bible about "Love is..." PATIENCE is mentioned FIRST AND FOREMOST?! Well, that is for a darn good reason. You better have boat loads of patience if you are going to share your space with another person. I also learned that it's important to choose your battles.

Sure, it's annoying to have someone critique your methods on things you've been doing for a long time. And you'll get sick of the way a person piles their clothes in a corner after taking them off. But there are bigger things to spend your time on. Living together was NOT always easy. It's a good idea to have some room in the house where you can go be by yourself and just do your own thing for a while. Living with the person you love the most can be a lot of fun, too, if you remember that it's something you are BOTH in together.

I'm not sure if moving in with The Ex was detrimental to our relationship, and I'll never know, but I do think that we both learned a lot from that experience, and any lesson learned is a good one.

Patience and compromise. Those are the TWO biggest things you'll learn about living with someone else.

Oh, and that the granola bars always go to the left of the crackers.