The Things We Let Ourselves Overlook

Sometimes in relationships it's easy to ignore the enormous red flags that are so obvious that they practically slap us in the face. WHY do we do this? Is it that whole "love is blind" aspect of the relationship? And do any of us TRULY believe love is blind? I would say the adage "love is in denial" is more accurate. Saying love is blind implies that there is simply NO knowledge of the wrongdoings of our lover at all. Saying love is in denial implies that we know EXACTLY what is going on, that we feel every transgression and sleight, and still choose to ignore it in the name of love.
Normally after a relationship is over, it's easy to inventory and catalog all the hurtful, crazy, horrible and vile things our ex has done to us. It's easy to pinpoint exactly what happened to cause a shift in the way the relationship functioned. After my relationship with The Ex was over, I actually found myself saying "yes, right there, right that VERY second, the rift opened up." Sadly, this rift occured when our relationship was still in it's forming stages, and while I was not completely innocent myself, it was he, not I, who pulled the single thread that unraveled everything...

The Ex and I started dating in August 2002. In a few short weeks, I was leaving for college and wasn't terribly keen on jumping into something serious. But he came along. He was my complete and exact opposite in most ways. While I do believe that opposites attract to some extent, having similarities really does come in handy. You need to have your personality-paths cross at some point, otherwise you are eternally running parallel to each other.

I left for school, and things were okay for a while. It was strange getting used to doing the "long-distance relationship" thing, but we made it work. I was only living an hour away, and we both made time to see each other on weekends. By January we considered ourselves exclusive. February came around, and we made plans for Valentine's Day. (My memory gets a little cloudy here, as it often does when we have tried to block something out for so long.) Less than a week after Valentine's Day, I was at school, getting ready for some big tests I had coming up when I received an Instant Message from The Ex, telling me we needed to talk. Now, most of you know that NOTHING GOOD comes of a conversation that starts off this way. Ever. I called him immediately, and I could hear the slightest change in his voice. Something big had happened. I begged for him to tell me whatever it was he had to say, and he insisted that he had to tell me in person. I dropped everything and drove an hour home where he was waiting for me. We went for a drive, and only made it about a mile away from my house before he dropped the bomb...

He had slept with someone else.

I just couldn't believe it. I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea of someone, who just told me a few weeks earlier that he loved me, completely betraying my trust that way. I felt my eyes fill with tears, but I REFUSED to let him see me cry. I asked him to pull over his car and I got out and walked the rest of the way home.

In short, that was Red Flag numero uno. But, as betrayed lovers often do, I forgave him. But I could never forget. There was always that nagging little voice in the back of my mind, reminding me over and over that he could do it again. And maybe that isn't entirely fair of me, to offer up a second chance, but still not truly ever let it go.
That one little transgression on his part, no, not little, MONUMENTAL...set in motion a slippery slide to the detriment of our relationship. The seed of doubt was planted, and in my mind, a jungle sprang forth.

Doubt and mistrust will destroy a relationship faster than anything else, but you don't always see the effects until it's too late.